I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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