just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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