Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize