sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
