I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We just shotgunned beers for America
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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