At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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