There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
