I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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