Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
