The maid of honor just puked.
I wish my penis had an off switch
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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