just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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