He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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