this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
