'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
