I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
