Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
