I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
