is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize