things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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