As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
