I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
