There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
