They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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