In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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