Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
