I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Randomize
