oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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