They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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