saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize