Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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