Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
