She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
