obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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