We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
