My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
