Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
