Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
