DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
