WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
