Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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