I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
