i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
