took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize