God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
