her vagine was all disorganized.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
