you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
