There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
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