so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
