I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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