When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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