If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We got so high we made milksteak
worst night to have a conscience
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
