So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
