after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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