You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
