I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
it's not cheating when I paid for it
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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