I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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