it was like his penis was on wheels.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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