She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
