Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
