I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize