Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I want her autograph on my taint
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
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