can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i would punch a child for taco bell
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
