On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
