Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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