So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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