Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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