were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
