Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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