what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Are we still banned from the library?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
