Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You were trust falling into bushes
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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