On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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