Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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