my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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