Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
