i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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